yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
