My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
