Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
