So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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