he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
