I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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