i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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