from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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