I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
