Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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