this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?