Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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