my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately