have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
