Texts From Last Night

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  (209): View more from California

  I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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  (209): I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans. http://tfl.nu/8x3v
  Replies (8) Good night (707) Bad night (1212)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess

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  (847): Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess http://tfl.nu/s4vr
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (3787)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking

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  (330): Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking http://tfl.nu/g2ou
  Replies (16) Good night (6174) Bad night (926)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't wanna die...

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  (423): I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!! (615): I don't wanna die... http://tfl.nu/h1ht
  Replies (10) Good night (6749) Bad night (1196)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

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  (719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg
  Replies (25) Good night (7191) Bad night (1411)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts

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  (303): doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts http://tfl.nu/5nex
  Replies (7) Good night (1581) Bad night (1418)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.

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  (480): Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea. http://tfl.nu/s5ct
  Replies (5) Good night (694) Bad night (1095)
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  (914): View more from New York

  at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.

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  (914): at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock. http://tfl.nu/0hid
  Replies (9) Good night (1609) Bad night (565)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time

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  (724): Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time http://tfl.nu/5zkl
  Replies (4) Good night (477) Bad night (1195)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.

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  (317): I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child. http://tfl.nu/h99a
  Replies (4) Good night (954) Bad night (366)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?

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  (774): What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/2yid
  Replies (9) Good night (333) Bad night (1344)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?

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  (603): I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night? http://tfl.nu/pz1o
  Replies (3) Good night (304) Bad night (634)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too

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  (978): So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too http://tfl.nu/cj9m
  Replies (10) Good night (1714) Bad night (507)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss

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  (252): you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss http://tfl.nu/gf0h
  Replies (0) Good night (406) Bad night (289)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling

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  (217): You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling http://tfl.nu/odh7
  Replies (1) Good night (469) Bad night (164)

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