we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer