I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Randomize
