My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
