i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
