When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
