hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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