You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize