when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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