Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
