My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
