I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
