Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
