hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The best revenge is premature balding
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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