I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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