My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
