We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
