I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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