You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
