it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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