I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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