I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
