You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
