someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
