I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Are we still banned from the library?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I die, sorry about rent.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
