we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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