So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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