The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize