My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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