Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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