omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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