I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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