On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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