Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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