I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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