I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I deserve this hangover.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
