For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
