K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
