Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
