I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
