YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
