Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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