There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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