so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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