Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
