what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
