I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
