Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
