I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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