i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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