Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
