I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
