are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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