I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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