Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
