Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Acid is not a monday night drug
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
