I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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