She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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