I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
